A Stitch in Time

The past 10 days have been, well, mind blowing. We’ve visited several small villages in tsunami-effected areas of southeastern coast and the oldest operating synagogue in the Commonwealth on the southwestern coast. We experienced the ancient art of Ayurvedic massage (more on that later) and were intrigued by Kathakali dancing. We ate (too much) wonderful, spicy food with our fingers and met some incredible people along the way.

For me, the highlight was two days spent in an impoverished, Muslim community in Tamil Nadu at an organization that teaches women, ages 14 to 21, embroidery skills. For the 40 direct beneficiaries (mostly Muslim, and some Hindus), the program is their only escape from the everyday responsibilities of housework and childcare. It is sponsored by the American Jewish World Service. Dasra (the non profit organization I'm volunteering for)was there to support organizational development.

I’m kind of embarrassed to admit it, but I haven’t had many interactions with Muslims previously. What I know of them I’ve read or seen on TV. While their lives differ in all parts of the world, and even within the community I visited, I gained some insights into their outlook in this part of India.

In TN, most Muslim (and Hindu) marriages are arranged. Women are generally poorly educated as their parents choose between their education and dowry. Female infanticide continues to be a problem. (A 2006 figure estimates there are 868 girls to every 1000 boys.) Women who do not become pregnant within the first year of marriage are considered barren. Motherhood brings special happiness during the first year of a child’s life; after that it’s common for tensions to rise as the child’s needs put additional strains on the family budget. Girls are not allowed outside of the home after 6 pm. Women have no “power” in the home. If their husband dies, women are often put out of the home.

The program that the American Jewish World Service is supporting is really about more than developing embroidery skills. It’s about helping the young women stop and look at their lives and recognize their own potential. When the tsunami happened, one positive outgrowth was the opportunity to change mindsets. AJWS engaged Dasra to provide training and development support to the program. During the two days I spent in the Muslim community, Vana and Daizy (two Dasra staff members) were able to help the girls to acknowledge the inequities that exist between males and females in the community. They taught about the importance of learning from each other, depending on each other, and thinking differently about their futures. They encouraged the girls to take 15 minutes every day to discuss new possibilities, to gather information from outside the community, and to speak openly about their feelings. They also encouraged them to learn to read and write Tamil (their mother language) and to study math. Most of the participants are illiterate.

On the second day of the program, Vana and Daizy spoke to the girls about the economic aspects of becoming entrepreneurs. They told them what to consider when they set the price of their products and about the importance of marketing. They delved into the importance of quality, the realities of competition, and the next steps needed to expand their capacity.

Daizy and Vana were amazing to watch. All of the girls were 100% engaged. Games played during the day were used to help build teamwork. Several girls said they hadn’t had so much fun since they were small children; other girls saw the two days as a turning point in their lives. Several mentioned they wanted to postpone their marriages so they can develop their skills and themselves. Those who spoke were gaining a sense of what they must do to make changes in themselves, and ultimately the society in which they live, to make positive differences in their future.

The next phase of organization’s program involves a meeting with the parents to help them create an environment that is receptive to the new thinking.

I’ve interviewed many people (non profit organization directors and beneficiaries) in Mumbai who have expressed real appreciation for the role Dasra’s has had in helping them build capacity, but this is the first time I was able to see this aspect of Dasra’s work in action. I’ll never forget it.



Nisha: The embroidery instructor
I visited a couple of homes my first evening. One was that of Nisha, an embroidery teacher who is 19 years old. She is the sole source of income for her parents and two siblings as her father is visually impaired and cannot work. Her home wasn’t much more than a concrete slab with bare walls. Nisha’s family was almost as excited about my visit as I was. Shortly after I walked in the door, they were providing coffee (Indian coffee is good.) and dosas and more. (I was still full from a huge lunch, but couldn’t turn down their generosity. Nisha’s dad is obviously very proud of his daughter but sad that she must bear all the financial pressure. Her mother is afraid for Nisha’s health.

I wanted to buy one of sarees that Nisha had embroidered as a momento, but she said they were already promised. (Each takes three months to make.) Instead, I paid her to make a wall hanging that features a special stitch called cargo. Like the beautiful sarees she makes, it will take three months.



Female infanticide
I know I touched on this earlier. It’s just that I can’t get past it. As we were driving to the village, Daizy told me about the work she is doing with HIV/AIDs populations and to fight female infanticide. I could hardly respond as Daizy described three methods used to kill girl children. One method entails poisoning the child with the sap of the calotropis plant. Daizy also described government schemes to help abolish the practice: The government pays 15,200 rupees ($330) per child for up to two girl children born to a family. It pays an additional 15,200 rupees one year after their second daughter reaches age 1. The money is placed in an account in the name of the daughter(s) and is available to help pay for their education or dowry. Daizy also told me the points the government emphasizes for not killing girl children: female potential resting in the next generation, girls take better care of parents than boys, and girls have hidden potential and can contribute to the family income. Female infanticide in Tamil Nadu is primarily confined to the Madurai district and is also known to occur in two other districts.

Lighter note…
Frank and I decided to have an Ayurvedic massage. These are popular in Kerala, and everywhere we go we’ve been taking in the experiences unique to the region. When I asked the hotel to help us find a place, I emphasized that it needed to be clean. I guess they missed that part. Without getting too detailed, we agreed it was one of the worst experiences of our trip. It also was one of those things that, once you’re committed, there’s no turning back. No photos of this….not even of the newspaper that lined the floor. Just imagine this was pretty gross. (Apologies to anyone who is a real believer of this type of massage!)